中年ET

How does it feel to be chased by ghosts from your past, or should say my past?

Pretty bad, I have to admit.

It’s like, no matter how hard I try, how much I push myself,

after all the struggles and effort,

still I was deeply influenced when I can see the ghost from the past right in front of me

actually kinda frightening

I have prepared myself a few of situations about how we would encounter

Just not this one,

not in Costco where they shop around together like I used to be doing with it

not on the first day to start my bday week

not with his new partner or whatever that asshole is closely

(well at least I still got my sense of humor… :P)

not the place I always go to and now I don’t even know whether to stop going or not from now on

I assumed all kinds of scenarios but just not this shit

Seeing what I haven’t seen hurts

What hurts more is that I realize how much I still am affected emotionally.

Gosh

If only God knows how hard I try not to hate it, not to blame it, not to think too much about it, why the hell do you have to make it even harder for me?

If this is some kind of test to make me stronger, please I AM ALREADY strong enough!! Why cant you just fucking try to make it a bit easier for me!???????

the most scary thing

is that when i looked at the thing i have been with for so long

i realized it has become a completely stranger

i realized i never get to know it both inside out
it is scary how ppl change

so quickly so unnoticeably yet so inevitably